The Light of Tomorrow

The last few days in KL was bizarre and confusing. I somehow develop a new hobby in the process. Began buying more books to read on, and somehow got really obsessed with it too. Well, all this had happened has surely change me to another person. I began seeing things differently, at a more detail angle was it, looking at all the possibilities available first before assessing it. Well, i could also say all this has somehow Mature me.

I'm finally in my hometown now waiting for Christmas. The small island situated somewhere on East Malaysia. There is nothing much to do here honestly. I used to hate this very little island, claming that this place is small and not fun and no future staying here, until yesterday i step back into this house, all the old memories come back, I used to grow up here. The still warm feeling of this house has melted my Desire away. When they say nothing is more comfortable than your Home, Its true =)

As for tomorrow, I gracefully handed it to God now. Surrendering myself to Him, I no longer wanna contradict with his ideas. I'm so tired and exhausted now after a long fight in the battlefield. This is the time when he ask me to run for cover and take a good spiritual rest. I'm on my recovery phase now.

The Light of Tomorrow

Still clinging on the the very last breath of Hope, i'm alwiz looking forward to a better tomorrow, I believe the light of tomorrow is brighter than yesterday. We certainly have no rights to decide tomorrow, the only power we Human have is Now. You may plan for tomorrow, but life doesnt alwiz go the way we wanted it to be. So why not let God decide what he want for us tomorrow right? What will happen will happen, its all been decided. The future has been decided.

Will update the blog sooner than you would think =) Keep reading! Take care guys

(added Sound of my soul section, the very song that is representing my feelings right now)

The story of a Devil with a human heart

I was used to be something wild, cold blooded, arrogant, and heartless. Everything bad flow in my mind, i was so filled with negativity. Arh... i do many bad things and didnt realise how wrong was I. Yes like most you all already know, I'm actually the devil himself.

Till one day i was given Love, still a Devil, but i gain the a new ability to develop a 'Human Heart'. What is a Human Heart many may ask. Heart that its own mind, its own life. It is able to Love, Care, Cuddle, and involved itself in a relationship. That is what my true definition of a Human Heart. Starting from that day i became a Devil with a human heart.

I finally realise that wateva i was doing not justified. Still a devil, i tried my best to change, to twist the root of my heart to a new me, a completely transform person. I learn to love better, learn to care better, but i really dunno why i was alwiz not enough. Finally i realise i was able to hide my devilish nature for the moment.

Like they say, Men needed direction in what they should give and should not. This is the hardest thing for a women to understand. What is alwiz in their mind was, if he doesnt do it naturally he didnt mean doing it, or if I ask him to do this then it was Me not His decision to do it. Do understand Men dun think like Women, we are different! To be honest, if u would love to date someone who knows so much bout every little things, I think the perfect candidate is God Himself. Be honest with your men. The greatest sacrifice of Love is to Love someone who is imperfect perfectly.

I believe this is the main reason for the failure of our relationship.

After talking 2 her few days ago, listening to everything she said and take them into consideration. Its obvious she had changed to a completely different person now. I have changed to a complete person too. No matter how hard i explain, she would say i didnt have to tell her what do to, its true that i dont have the right to do so anymore too. 我不想在为你这样的男人在流泪, after hearing this, i know its not worth investing anymore, she could only see the pain she go thru. She said she is tired of crying for me, well to be honest i'm tired of listening to her cries too.. The Love has turn into Hate in such a short period of time.

I was hurt but that allow me to see the true colour of this whole relationship. There is no point of return anymore.

Right now i'm writing a post like this i certainly understand that there are gonna be some people who are not happy bout it. Well, all i could say is i have the freedom to write in everything i want now. I no longer be in controlled. The devil could no longer suppress his feelings. I tried my best with no regrets=)

Once again thx for reading. Will update when i'm in Labuan again! I get to see Fuji very soon =)

(I've link a few other interesting blogs up, do pay them a visit too if u have the time)

Being human is the hardest thing in Life

If u guys read my first post in my blog which started on July 21, 2007. The first post started as an intention to enable 'her' to know what i'm up to in Malaysia so she would not worry bout me too much. That was the day she left for Switzerland to further her studies. That is what inspire me to start this Blog or could i say my true meaning to start this blog =)

During that time, I would consider this blog was owned by me and her. But i made it very clear now, I own this blog personally starting from today. I no longer write things for other people.

She called a moment ago. We certainly do talked bout 'something'. But in the end we made up our minds that we wont be doing this together anymore. She said she wasnt ready to get back into a relationship. I respect her decision and for being so honest with me. No matter what happen in the future, we wouldnt know. Hope everything will go smooth for her during her stay in Malaysia.

Being human is really the hardest thing in Life itself, trying to be who u r, trying to be the best out of who u r, trying to compete with the changing and busy world everyday, and trying to love someone but u couldnt do in anymore. We are constantly exposed to different degree of emotional and mental challenges. but I guess thats the only way to make Life Blooms!

Yeah! I shud be going back to Labuan for Christmas this wednesday or thurday also! Who wants to pick me up gimme a call okay?! Alrite then, see u guys on Labuan =)

Gotta report to bed now, will update the blog very soon again! Take care and good nite everyone.

(added a section called Resolution of 2008, it means things to do on 2008)

No such thing as hopeless unless you are dead

The real meaning of hopeless is defined as providing no hope; beyond optimism or hope; desperate; impossible to accomplish.

Hope is not able to measure in a quantity too. U cant say u shouldnt put too much hope, you have a very high hope, its no more hope.

I had a dream this morning.

I was laying on the bed in the hospital. I wasnt sure how i ended up there but i suppose my soul was somehow seperated with my body, i could see myself lying in that cold piece of bed, yet i could walk around. My family members were waiting outside for me to regain my consciousness. There were another family there also, but i couldnt remember them. There i saw my mum waited there, she had tears in her eyes.. Only when i try to talk to her, i knew it couldnt reach her, she cant hear me. What is really happening to me?!

I was in panic, fear of losing everyone, i cant stand it anymore, i started crying too but i cant be heard, the worst feelings of my life. After a while the doctor came, everyone stood up. He says to my Mum(my family), we've tried our best and everything went well, your son really has hope in living. Hope, as soon as i heard that word, I felt a warm aura, I needed to get back into my body.

The doctor then turned to the other family, we've tried out best but he still didnt have any response, you guys should give up Hope already. Everyone burst into tears, crying and weeping and hugging each other. They know they lost a very dear family member. I try to avoid such dramatic scene and went back to the bed where my body lies. To my surprise, i didnt notice there was someone beside me, his soul got seperated too. I asked him what is wrong?

He overheard the doctor's conversation, they are giving up Hope on me, he answered me. He said your really lucky to have survive this, so when u return to earth do love yourself more than anything, nv give up Hope. God doesnt alwiz give us a 2nd chance. I nodded and jump back into my body.

I was awaken, back in my old home, in my own bed, i'm so relieved, everything was a dream! but what that guy told me was right, i'm lucky to have survive this, so when u return to earth do love yourself more than anything, nv give up hope. God doesnt alwiz give us a 2nd chance. I'm felt really sorry for him because everyone gave up hope on him, it was really the saddest thing to hear in Life.

I finally understand now, only the Dead are hopeless. Those who are still in control with their life, those who still alive, you still have hope. Hope will show you the way when you are consumed by darkness, without Hope i would have be dead like him too. There are still more things in life to accomplish.

I had fully understand the meaning of 'Many people failed to realise how close they are to success when they give up'.

Really thank God for everything so far...

God can heal a broken heart when he have all the pieces

A friend sent me a website, with this picture in it. With a very meaningful article in it. My tears fell after finish reading it. Its really touching. Its based on true story but i summarize it, it was freaking long to post it on my blog.


Its an article written by a couple long long time ago when their heart was broken up to many pieces. Like most people they started as friends and they fell head over heels for each other. Things moved very fast, they were so in loved, they stayed together, they do everything together. They thought they will last forever.

They got together for around 2 months, each were busy with their lifes now, work and social. They spent less time talking to each other, they somehow forgotten how to love each other like they used to. The next thing they know they were argueing all the time, fighting and screaming. The love they once felt is no longer there. The Love they once own together was scattered into many pieces. The broke up in the end.

2 heart broken people walk alone on this earth now. Each of them holding a few pieces of the scattered Love in their hands. They think this is really over, there are no Hope left anymore.

The man showed his scattered pieces to his friends, this is what they say, look at all those pieces, its impossible to patch them back anymore, forget it coz once its broken its forever broken. Even God will have trouble patching it back now.

The woman too showed her scattered pieces to her friends, this is what they say, Oh my, its broken up to too many pieces, even if u can patch it up, it will still have scars, so forget bout it and move on okay? Even God will have trouble patching it back now.

After the guy heard what his friends said, still holding the scattered pieces in his hand, He asked himself and he asked God. ''Lord, i never felt anything like this before in my life, and i truly can say this, I'm still very attached to her, do you think you can patch this broken heart for us again? He got frustrated because God didnt answer him but right deep in his heart, the guy already know that he has made an important decision, he wants to patch things back up.

He called the girl and ask her out. They talk bout something but the feeling wasnt the same like they used to have, its really cold. He also notice that the girl wasnt holding on to the broken pieces already. He was very disappointed but he didnt give up. Occasionally, he would called the girl back and show that he still care for her very much. After sometime, the girl open up back up her box, the box where she kept all those broken pieces. She didnt give up actually, if she really given up she would have thrown all the pieces away.

He sees improvement, take this golden opportunity to convince the girl to give them another chance. It wasnt a respond the guy was looking for, but she nodded. They have hard time getting back together like who they used to be, they wanna be as loving as last time but there are resentments in them now. Its really difficult for them to do this.

But most importantly, they found all the broken pieces back. This is when God do his Magics, he healed the broken heart. It was not perfect, but its no longer broken, there are scars. These scars truly remind them of their own mistakes, what really happen that scattered their Love. The guy understands now, God wants him to look for the missing pieces himself, in order for him to work his magic. He thank God that he never give up in the first place.

They learnt from experience, they got back together, got married and live happily ever after now.

He left this quote, Many people give up when they fail to realise how close they are to success.

10 important quotes i'm believing now

1. You dont know how to live with her, but u also dont know how to live without her too.

2. Never leave today's problem to tomorrow when tomorrow will have new problems.

3. Focus = Focus on current until successful.

4. Scars remind us of what really happen so we wont repeat the same mistakes.

5. Never give up hope unless there are no hope anymore.

6. Unconditional Love = Love that has no calculations. I do more and she didnt do anything, that doesnt work.

7. Do what u really think you should be doing and be firm to that decision.

8. Think Big! but dont juz think of it, think about how can you reach it.

9. People should strive for improvements not think of the past.

10. To be honest, no one likes to see their love ones cry.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Went to lunch and hang out with a close friend 2 days ago, she surprised me with this book in her hand.

She said: Vincent, I dont think u really understand what your girlfriend want actually, can u please read this book? I've read it and i think its really a good book, I hope you'll stop making mistakes like you used to.

Me: I dont think you really understand what really happen too, but i dont feel like talking about it now bcoz the 2 of us are suppose to have a nice lunch today. (but i nodded and took the book and smile back)

As soon as i finish lunch, i went home and immediately start reading it. There is really an interesting story in the book that I would love share it here, it is what the author experience personally when he fails to understand what actually her wife wants and trying to tell him.

This is it:

A week befoure our daughter Lauren was born, my wife Bonnie, and i were completely exhausted. Each night Lauren kept waking us. Bonnie had been torn in the delivery and she was taking painkillers. She could barely walk. After five days of staying home to help, i went back to work. She seemed to be getting better.

While i was away she ran out of pain pills. Instead of calling me at the office, she asked one of my brothers, who was visiting, to purchase more. My brother, however, did not return with the pills. Consequently, she spent the whole day in pain, taking care of a newborn.

I had no idea that her day had been so awful. When i returned home she was very upset. I misintepreted the cause of her distress and thought she was blaming me.

She said, ''I've been in pain all day. I ran out of pills. I've been stranded in bed and nobody cares!''

I said defensively, ''Why didnt you call me?!''

She said, ''I asked your brother, but he forgot! I've been waiting for him to return all day. What am I supposed to do? I can barely walk. I feel so deserted!''

At this point i exploded. my fuse was also very short that day. I was angry that she didnt called me. I was furious that she was blaming me when i didnt even know she was in pain. After exchanging a few harsh words, I headed for the door. I was tired, irritable, and had heard enough. We had both reach our limits.

Then something started to happen that would change my life.

Bonnie said, ''Stop, please dont leave. This is when i need you the most. I'm in pain. I havent slept in days. Please listen to me.''

I stopped for a moment to listen.

She said, ''John Gray, you're a fair-weather friend! As long as i'm sweet, Loving Bonnie you are here for me, but as soon as i'm not, you walk right out that door.

Then she paused, and her eyes filled up with tears. As her tone shifted she said, ''Right now i'm in pain. I have nothing to give, this is when i need you the most. Please, come over here and hold me. You don't have to say anything. I just need to feel your arms around me. Please dont go.''

I walked over and silently held her. She wept in my arms. After a few minutes, she thanked me for not leaving. She told me that she just needed to feel me holding her.

At that moment I started to realize the real meaning of Love, Unconditional Love. I had always thought of myself as a loving person. But she was right. I had been a fair-weather friend. As long as she was happy and nice, I loved back. But if she was unhappy or upset, I would feel blamed and then argue or distance myself.

That day, for the first time, I didnt leave her. I stayed, and it felt great. I succeeded in giving to her when she really needed me. This felt like real love. Caring for another person. Trusting in our love. Being there at her hour of need. I marveled at how easy it was for me to support her when i was shown the way.

How had i missed this? She just needed me to go over and hold her. Another womed would have instinctively known what Bonnie needed. But as a man, I didnt know that touching, holding, and listening were so important to her. By recognizing these differences I began to learn a new way of relating to my wife. I would have never believed we could selove conflict so easily.

After that incident, it inspired the author to reseach and develop this book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus to help people like us to overcome our relationship problems.

I used to be like the author too, when my gf needed me the most, i felt blamed, i thought i was was one of her problems but when she is happy, I'm alwiz there loving her. In another word, i only love her when she is happy, when she is sad, i distance myself. This is call selfish!

This book had made me realise the mistakes i really made, I'm very sure that all this has change me from the worse to a better person. This four weeks of isolation from 'her', the hope i still have has fuel me back up, I've failed, and i'm climbing back up now. I just hope i was given a 2nd chance in Life, I'll prove to her how much i changed, not with words but with actions. Cant emphasize enough on how sorry I am now.

Thx to that close friend that bought me this book, i'm really touched. To those who are still in a relationship now, if u 2 are really experiencing troubles understanding each other, please go and get a copy of this book before the last light disappear. I wish you all the best =)

Will update the blog very soon again, take care guys!