Reconcile

Over the past few months, i hadn't really been updating my blog a lot... A lot of people actually asked, why u stop blogging? Why you dont post anything anymore? Do u remember you once own a blog?

Yes, i still have a blog and it is still very important to me! This blog has became an emotional storage to me, i write all my 'feel bad' stuff here to just to reassure myself. To be honest, it works most of the time.

I've discover that i only write my blog when i have emotional problems. It shouldn't be this way, not like this anymore.

I've been asking myself, what else do i need in my life now..

My heart always gave me this answer...

''You have everything''

Better in Time

I dont have to say much bout this, every single word in the song represents my emotional feelings right now at this moment, I'm so glad Leona Lewis sang this song, it would be that this song was really made for me.. Enjoy =)

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going, Coming
Thought I heard a knock, Whose there, Noone
Thinking that, I deserve it
Now I have realized
That I really didn't know

If you didn't notice
You mean everything, quickly I'm learning
To love again, all I know is
I'm be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's going to hurt when it heals too
Oh yeah, It'll All get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile because I deserve too
Oh, It'll all get better in time

I couldnt turned on the TV
Without something that would remind me
Was it all that easy?
To just put us out your feeling

If i'm dreamin
Don't want to let it hurt my feelings
But that's the past, i believe it
And I know that, time will heal it

If you didn't notice
Well you mean everything, quickly i'm learning
Oh turn up again, All I know is
I'm be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
Oh yeah, It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile because I deserve too
Oh, It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
This time I let you go so I can be free
And Live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is
I will be fine without you
Yes I Will

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
Oh, It'll all get better in time
Even though I really loved you
I'm gonna smile cos I deserve too yes I do
It'll all get better in time

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too yeah
Oh oh, It'll all get better in time
Even though I really loved you
Going to smile cos I deserve too
Oh, It'll all get better....

What hurts the most

Its really been a while since my last post, my blog is dying of inactivity... Dont really 'feel like it' to write or update anything until recently. Still feeling a bit shattered.

'Life was not treating me very good lately'..

Despite of all that that happen to me, it ended up in such a terrible end, i couldnt have figure out or had no idea that it could turn out this way. I'm glad its over. Old things die and new things will be born, thats what the whole world been saying or this phase should sound very familiar 旧的不去, 新的不来...

Its finally more than a month that we didnt talk to each other, getting on with each of our lives, I'm still missing her and been wondering how is she doing lately. I bet she is busy with her work and socializing with her colleague, they all been treating her really good. No words could describe how badly i wanted to know how is she doing really right now, very simple stuff like how is she feeling right now, has she eaten yet, she had enough sleep for tomorrow's work. Juz simple things like that still bothering me.

I think i'm really stupid, wondered why still care so much when someone doesnt want me to care for them anymore.

I remember during the time after we broke up, i bought so many books to read on so i could 'try to learn' to become a better person, and most importantly a better lover for her. In whatever situation, 'i try think in her shoes', and to be honest, i think i'm being very generous. I've been living for more than 21 years now, never had i had such hard times b4, never experience such pain before...

I'm not sure she realize this or not, she always thinks what she did was right. I was the one who broke it up, but i was also the one who tries to get her back and i wondered she'll recall what kind of attitude she treated me with. I really hope she stop being so childish and blames everything on me.

Our relationship was juz merely six month, it really meant alot to me, i'm so glad that she once, willing to spent her life with me. I'm also grateful that she taught me so much, thanks for teaching me to be a gentleman, thanks for teaching me to 爱就爱的疯狂...

Even I still miss her, i'm so glad it finally ended, i'm so tired.... I'll wish her well in whatever she does, 我也什么都不想管了, if blaming me really made her happier, ignoring me really made her happier, and treating me like this really made her happier, good then, this is the last 'happy' thing i could give her...

What hurts the most is to be hurt by someone you love so much and being blame for everything...

Love hurts....

A word of caution: Dont drink and Drive

Read a very interesting email from a friend and would like to share it in the blog =)


I went to a party,

And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mum
So I had a sprite instead.

I felt proud of myself,

The way you said I would,
That I didn't drink and drive,
Though some friends said I should.

I made a healthy choice,

And your advice to me was right,
The party finally ended,
And the kids drove out of sight.

I got into my car,

Sure to get home in one piece,
I never knew what was coming, Mum
Something I expected least.

Now I'm lying on the pavement,

And I hear the policeman say,
The kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
Mum, his voice seems far away.

My own blood's all around me,

As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
This girl is going to die.

I'm sure the guy had no idea,

While he was flying high,
Because he chose to drink and drive,
Now I would have to die.

So why do people do it, Mum

Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
Like a hundred stabbing knives.

Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had,
I'd still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter, Mum

I'm getting really scared.
These are my final moments,
And I'm so unprepared.

I wish that you could hold me Mum,

As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say, 'I love you, Mum!'
So I love you and good-bye.

Author's note:

Sometimes you not only spoil your own Life, you might spoil someone's perfect Life too...

This article may be a fiction, but fictions exist for a reason, exist for someone who is afraid that someday terrible things like this could happen, maybe it has happened before, maybe it has not, but that someone is really making an effort to tell you dont let things happen like this...

We can always make a difference...

Something I treasure...

Something i treasure.....

Just a simple question like this gave me those sleepless nights... Keep thinking of how screwed up my Life is at the current state... I've been thinking bout the past alot lately... Mostly bout all the Hows and Whats that happen to me lately..

Last week was really a boooooring week, everyone's ass is like so glued to their computers, and everyone is having WOW(World of Warcraft) fever now. Wanting to find someone to talk to seems like a very difficult task now... But lucky Bra decided to come down and chill for the weekends, Life seems a bit easy from there =)

I really appreciate his effort to listen to me... Most man are lousy listeners, whenever u address an issue, they most probably give an idea on how to fix it and that is not what i'm seeking, just wanted someone to be present and be there to listen, thats all...

I told him bout my issues on my family and my Life... He listens and listens and listens.. and he told me something in the end, ''try harder and just do it, you might never know what surprises God has left for you, since that is something u treasure so much...''

Hmmmm..... I realized i had forgotten a very important quote I Love to use so much in my Life last time, 'People gave us too soon when they failed to realize how close they are to success'

I think I've tried hard, but i guess i have to try harder this time and face fear itself now...

Once again, I've found Hope in my most dreaded moments again...

Life goes on now...

Theres gotta be more to Life!

Lately I've been feeling abit not myself again.. Looking back at few weeks ago, I alwiz said this, I'm pretty sure i'm okay last few weeks ago. I wonder why do i alwiz have emo spike like a woman..

Since that argument i had with my Mum last few weeks ago, it has left me devastated.. Everything i do i felt so empty, everything was never enough anymore.. Weeks of sleepless nights, kinda got me off track from my life, I'm lost... Supports from books i'm reading wasnt enough to make me feel good...

Until last 2 days ago. The night when I had 3 dreams in 1 night.. It somehow pushes me to a whole new level of consciousness.

1st dream: I had this wonderful dream when I'm with 'Her'. We were going out together like last time, sharing alot common interests, dine in our favorite place. I still remember things were so perfect when we just got together =) Then its time we decided to bring each other to meet our parents, those feelings of how would his/her parents think of me feelings really excites me. It reminds me of how loving and happy we used to be...

2nd dream: I woke up one morning to discover that my dog Fuji was waiting for me to wake up outside my door, i'm not sure how he ended up back here but its JUST LIKE LAST TIME! When he used to stay with me in KL, i remember the days when i bring him out for a drink with my friends. Bring him on a walk in the garden. Fetches him to shower on the grooming centre every weekends.

3rd dream: I had a really bad day... and someone came up to me and tell me, do what you feel like doing because you will see the results soon and always remember that 'Theres gotta be more to Life'

I woke up after the 3rd dream... Even though the 3rd wasnt very special, but it somehow makes me realize that life was indeed to be abundant, do what u feel like doing huh? I think I know who is responsible for making me realize this =)

I deeply express my gratitude towards God who made me realize that...

Some pictures of my vacation in Thailand

As promised, here are some of the pictures i took when i was on my vacation in Thailand =) Thailand is really very nice place to visit, really enjoyed very much the whole trip..

The famous 'Floating Market'

They sell all kinds of stuff, foods, drinks anything u can name..

Its our turn to explore the market!

No wonder they say bangkok has the worse jam... EVEN the river have traffic jam...

A pot for us guys to pee on

Handmade souvenirs like this are sold everywhere along the river

These are some pictures of many temples in the compound of the Royal Palace

Very weird looking characters like this are found all over Thailand

This is the formal Royal Palace

This is the largest teakwood mansion found in Thailand

Victory Monument