Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Went to lunch and hang out with a close friend 2 days ago, she surprised me with this book in her hand.

She said: Vincent, I dont think u really understand what your girlfriend want actually, can u please read this book? I've read it and i think its really a good book, I hope you'll stop making mistakes like you used to.

Me: I dont think you really understand what really happen too, but i dont feel like talking about it now bcoz the 2 of us are suppose to have a nice lunch today. (but i nodded and took the book and smile back)

As soon as i finish lunch, i went home and immediately start reading it. There is really an interesting story in the book that I would love share it here, it is what the author experience personally when he fails to understand what actually her wife wants and trying to tell him.

This is it:

A week befoure our daughter Lauren was born, my wife Bonnie, and i were completely exhausted. Each night Lauren kept waking us. Bonnie had been torn in the delivery and she was taking painkillers. She could barely walk. After five days of staying home to help, i went back to work. She seemed to be getting better.

While i was away she ran out of pain pills. Instead of calling me at the office, she asked one of my brothers, who was visiting, to purchase more. My brother, however, did not return with the pills. Consequently, she spent the whole day in pain, taking care of a newborn.

I had no idea that her day had been so awful. When i returned home she was very upset. I misintepreted the cause of her distress and thought she was blaming me.

She said, ''I've been in pain all day. I ran out of pills. I've been stranded in bed and nobody cares!''

I said defensively, ''Why didnt you call me?!''

She said, ''I asked your brother, but he forgot! I've been waiting for him to return all day. What am I supposed to do? I can barely walk. I feel so deserted!''

At this point i exploded. my fuse was also very short that day. I was angry that she didnt called me. I was furious that she was blaming me when i didnt even know she was in pain. After exchanging a few harsh words, I headed for the door. I was tired, irritable, and had heard enough. We had both reach our limits.

Then something started to happen that would change my life.

Bonnie said, ''Stop, please dont leave. This is when i need you the most. I'm in pain. I havent slept in days. Please listen to me.''

I stopped for a moment to listen.

She said, ''John Gray, you're a fair-weather friend! As long as i'm sweet, Loving Bonnie you are here for me, but as soon as i'm not, you walk right out that door.

Then she paused, and her eyes filled up with tears. As her tone shifted she said, ''Right now i'm in pain. I have nothing to give, this is when i need you the most. Please, come over here and hold me. You don't have to say anything. I just need to feel your arms around me. Please dont go.''

I walked over and silently held her. She wept in my arms. After a few minutes, she thanked me for not leaving. She told me that she just needed to feel me holding her.

At that moment I started to realize the real meaning of Love, Unconditional Love. I had always thought of myself as a loving person. But she was right. I had been a fair-weather friend. As long as she was happy and nice, I loved back. But if she was unhappy or upset, I would feel blamed and then argue or distance myself.

That day, for the first time, I didnt leave her. I stayed, and it felt great. I succeeded in giving to her when she really needed me. This felt like real love. Caring for another person. Trusting in our love. Being there at her hour of need. I marveled at how easy it was for me to support her when i was shown the way.

How had i missed this? She just needed me to go over and hold her. Another womed would have instinctively known what Bonnie needed. But as a man, I didnt know that touching, holding, and listening were so important to her. By recognizing these differences I began to learn a new way of relating to my wife. I would have never believed we could selove conflict so easily.

After that incident, it inspired the author to reseach and develop this book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus to help people like us to overcome our relationship problems.

I used to be like the author too, when my gf needed me the most, i felt blamed, i thought i was was one of her problems but when she is happy, I'm alwiz there loving her. In another word, i only love her when she is happy, when she is sad, i distance myself. This is call selfish!

This book had made me realise the mistakes i really made, I'm very sure that all this has change me from the worse to a better person. This four weeks of isolation from 'her', the hope i still have has fuel me back up, I've failed, and i'm climbing back up now. I just hope i was given a 2nd chance in Life, I'll prove to her how much i changed, not with words but with actions. Cant emphasize enough on how sorry I am now.

Thx to that close friend that bought me this book, i'm really touched. To those who are still in a relationship now, if u 2 are really experiencing troubles understanding each other, please go and get a copy of this book before the last light disappear. I wish you all the best =)

Will update the blog very soon again, take care guys!